Wednesday, 10 February 2016

Why You Need To Quit Comparing Yourself To Others


If there's been one thing I've struggled with throughout my blogging journey, it's been comparison, both comparing what I do to other bloggers, and my achievements, and that's a bummer. Not only does this bring me down, but it eats away at my positivity, my excitement and passion for doing what I do. I buries me under self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness, or being lesser and unworthy. It shreds my creativity, and is the biggest bully around.

We compare ourselves to people everyday. We compare ourselves to our equals who have achieved more, lived more, travelled more, have more. We compare ourselves to our elders who have more experience, more skills, more 'I told you so' opportunities. We compare ourselves to our more youthful counterparts, on how they have more time, more joy, more dreams and a lot less manners, and we compare ourselves to people we really shouldn't do, who have more money, more attention, a more fulfilled life than we could ever dream of, and comparison kills. It's time we kicked it's ass.

We need to stop crippling our creativity with comparison, or our dreams will be never be reality.

But how do you stop comparing yourself to others? Every day there's another tweet, another post, another achievement of somebody else's that you wish you we as exciting as, or had written, or had accomplished yourself, and yet while we dream, we're missing out on actually doing exactly that. The more compare, the less we focus on our goals, and the less likely we are to achieve our dreams. Here's a few little ways you can kick comparisons ass to the ground and show it who's boss.

Consume less, create more


Consuming and checking our new and interesting information is almost always a win, but the Spice Girls were right when they said that 'too much of something is just as tough.' There comes a point when you're absorbing so much from everyone else that you feel anything you could contribute just isn't good enough, at least, not in comparison, and that only creates doubt, distress, and ultimately stops you and your passion in it's tracks.

Take a step back from consuming and focus on creating. Create whatever it is that you're passionate about. Be selfish and let yourself be happy - in fact, never settle for less than happiness, especially if it's something you love to do. By all means, learn from other people, take in information, but don't let other people's achievements or opinions dictate how you blog, or what you create. Consume less, and create an awful lot more.

Achieving your own happiness is a journey only you can traverse, so use your own map.

Aim for pleased, not perfection


I can guarantee you that nobody's life is as it looks online, or as wonderful as they claim it is. Nobody tells you the gritty, grubby and terrible parts of their day. Somebody may have won £10 on s scratch card, but they won't tell you that they lost their purse not 5 minutes later containing over £100. Somebody's instagram profile may look as though they spend their days lounging in their socks covered in blankets with a never ending supply of tea, but their instagram doesn't show you how they work 12 hours a day in a job they despise and live for their rare days off.

People rarely share the stark truth, don't mistake somebody's moment of happiness as a perfect life.

Sometimes, all you need is to shot for a new target, and avoiding aiming for perfection. Nothing will ever be perfect, and there will always be mistakes, but to be pleased with something is much better, and won't kill your motivation to achieve. Create things and be pleased. Achieve things and be please.d Look at how far you've come from your own beginning and be pleased, because you've achieved so much against so many odds, and you deserve a pat on the back for that.

Focus on your personal journey


Your journey is personal to you in every way possible, from the date at which you started your adventure, to the speed at which you grow, and comparing these points to somebody else is not only foolish, but it's going to kill your motivation, and your passion, and the only thing you should be killing is what you're doing, aka smashing it.

Not every blogger in a specific niche is going on the same journey as you are in this exact moment. Some people have achieved more quicker than you, and that's okay, that's not to say you're not good enough, or that whatever you offer isn't as good, it just so happens they've gotten there before you. They may have had more time to nail the things you're getting through slowly. They may have gone straight to the organ grinding blog designer rather than going to DIY route. They might have the big bucks to get started on something you're saving pennies for, and that's a-okay. It's not about being there with the rest of them, it's about being where you are, happy.

Try as we might, we'll always compare ourselves to other people we know, people who seem to have their life together and aren't spending money on books and are paying for their mortgage instead. Friends who are getting married and having children and settling for life aren't always in a better position than those who aren't, neither are those who look to have their shit together when their struggling to put food on the table.

Nobody is entirely as they seem, online and in real life, and rather than spend our days comparing ourselves to others, maybe it's time to shift our attention the person we should all be focusing on, the person who needs us to pay attention, work hard and love what we do. Maybe it's time we all compared where we are, and where we want to be, and what we need to do to achieve it. Maybe it's time to be a little selfish and stopped settling for what doesn't make us happy.

It's time to kick comparisons ass.

14 comments:

  1. Great post Amanda! I think comparing yourself can be healthy, as long as it's for the right reasons. You can push yourself to be better and motivate yourself to do things differently. But I have to agree, sometimes I just shut it all off and go into creative mode, to focus on creating content that makes me happy. And everyone's journey is different as you said. You have your own journey to take.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree Jeann, healthy comparison is good, like 'we did the same thing at the same time, they did better, lets figure out why', but unrealistic comparison is rubbish for you and your health. I think you do well shutting off to create content, your content is great! :)

      Delete
  2. I needed this! Thanks for the reminder that everything is not as it seems.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This post is perfect for me right now. It's like you knew just what I needed to hear. I've been into reason other posts and I get down on myself like why can't I think of something like that and then I feel sad all day. I'm going to unplug and focus on what I want to do for a bit. Thank you!
    ❤️Britt @ PleaseFeedTheBookworm.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a good thing to do Britt, consume a little less, leave time for yourself and BAM, you'll feel much better, trust me. Glad I could help you out hunny :)

      Delete
  4. Oh I totally agree how nobody is as perfect as they seem. And nobody's lives are as good as they present too....and I think that's okay!??!? Like I mean, if you were to go out for a coffee IRL with a friend, you have a good attitude and you smile and you have a fun time, even if you have problems going on in your life. So I consider blogging kind of like that. Which is fine, imo. But the problem is when we forget that and think everyone is having a better time. xD Omg, but I love what you said about consuming vs creating. It is totally needful to step back at times. KICK COMPARISON AWAY! WOOT. WOOT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, the problem is believing that everything is perfect for everyone, when it isn't. Sometimes, we just need to live in the moment and have our own lives, rather than want the lives other people have, or seem to have, you know? I think I need to step back soon, creating is pretty down.. *kicks comparison with you!*

      Delete
  5. I love this post! I definitely agree people's lives aren't as great as they make out - though I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not XD I think comparing yourself is a good thing... in moderation. I mean, it's only human to want to look around and see what everyone in your niche are doing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh definitely, you want to look and be inspired rather than be bogged down you know? Learn, observe, but don't always take for granted, or think it's going to be that way for you. Thanks Harvey! :)

      Delete
  6. I've looked at this post so many times I had to check if I had actually commented on it. This is all so true. It's incredibly easy to be envious of someone else, even if it's just because of a picture of them sitting in bed blogging in the morning. People so productive in the morning and it's easy to say, man I wish I was like that. Of course, the good thing is that if we do want to be like that we can, there's no need to be envious of it if we can make it happen for ourselves! This is a great message and yet another fantastic post, Amanda. This is probably one of my most-read blogs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw, thank you so much Stephanie! I do feel that way too, sometimes you just wish you were the same, but then you've just got to take your own time on things, and do whatever you can, when you can. Our lives aren't the same, no point wishing they were really. Once again, thank you! :)

      Delete
  7. Lovely post, must say something we can all relate to! Have been struggling a lot with this lately!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kristin, really hope this helps you a little :)

      Delete